The Fantastic Four (1994) Review by Bobby LePire. Edited by Courtney McAllister.

 

If you don’t know any name associated with b-movies, you have at least heard of the biggest name in all of b-moviedom, and one of the most prolific producers ever- Roger Corman! He gave several A-list names their big breaks- Jack Nicholson, Ron Howard (as a director), Joe Dante, Francis Ford Coppola, and Nicolas Roeg, to name a few. He is still actively producing movies, and his name usually conjures up a high concept made on a low budget, with stylish flair. So, what happens when that name produces a Marvel-based superhero? And what does it mean when that movie never saw the light of day?

 

The plot is pretty formulaic by superhero origin standards-

Friendly rivals and classmates, Reed Richards (Alex Hyde-White) and Victor Von Doom (Joseph Culp), are putting the finishing touches on their final college project. It is an attempt to harness the energy from a comet that is passing close to Earth. Things go awry, because of course they do, and Victor dies. Cut to ten years later, when the comet will be back by Earth. Reed enlists the help of pilot/ best friend Ben Grimm (Michael Bailey Smith/ Carl Ciarfalio as The Thing), Sue (Rebecca Staab), and Johnny Storm (Jay Underwood). They get hit by cosmic rays, and bam! They gain superpowers- Reed can stretch, Sue can turn invisible, Johnny can create fire, and Ben turns into a giant rock creature. They must now contend with an underground society of thieving mutants, and their mysterious overlord. Can our heroes gain proper control of their powers in time to stop the mutants’ nefarious plot? Who is the mysterious ringleader? What qualifications do Sue and Johnny have for blasting off into space?

That last question isn’t rhetorical, despite what you may think, dear reader. In this movie, Sue and Johnny are barely out of high school (or so it seems), with nothing that qualifies them to be part of an experimental space flight to study a comet. And sadly, this just reflects what I considered to be the biggest issue with the movie; and it has nothing to do with the budgetary constraints. Each main character, hero and villain alike, is barely a two dimensional archetype, so it is impossible for the audience to give much of a damn. They are all defined by one, maybe two traits, and that is it, with no arc for any of them- Dr. Doom is angry; Reed is smart; Sue is shy; Johnny is quick to act (aka hot headed); and Ben is strong. And that is all we are given for their character’s personalities; those are also the reasons for their powers.

 

Stated with all the subtlety of a train running into your face, the movie has Reed just flat out explain why each person got those unique powers. Writers Craig J. Nevius and Kevin Rock don’t have even one ear for dialogue between their not so fantastic four:

 

Ben: “Hi Mrs. Storm, can Sue and Johnny go to outer space with us?”
Mrs. Storm: “Well, I don’t know, dear. You’ll have to ask them.”

 

Painful as that exchange might read, the movie is so desperate to get to the powers, and the cool stuff, that it wants to get any scenes that don’t involve any action beats out of the way as quickly as possible  If you have a tolerance for such bad movie fare, this will be far more amusing than anger inducing. This is due to a certain naive charm, as if a five-year old was told the basics of who these heroes were, and wrote an adventure for them during recess.

 

Now, before we continue, a brief history lesson is needed: While there are multiple versions of the movie uploaded online, this film has never been officially released by the studio behind it. In late 1992, Bernd Eichinger, the film rights holder, needed to get something in production in short order to retain said rights. He brought Roger Corman onboard to quickly and cheaply help bang a picture out. At the end of production, Eichinger told director Oley Sassone that the movie he labored on was never going to be released. This gave way to a theory that the movie was never intended to be released, which was later confirmed by none other than Corman himself… but has been disputed by various cast and crew members throughout the years.

 

One way or the other it translated to the movie looking very cheap, especially for a Corman produced picture, as his stuff is usually able to look better than the average home video, no budget fare. Most notably in this respect is the Thing’s costume. It is very obviously rubber, without any weight to make it appear substantial. His unibrow is permanently arched as a shallow u, and his mouth barely moves when he speaks. Without any facial movements to emote, the Thing seems to have one reaction to everything. Not the best when the writing is so one note as well.

The underground mutant lair also suffers due to the budget and/ or time (both?). It’s a glorified abandoned refinery, which is so poorly lit that the background action isn’t noticeable. But, not everything shares this fate. The sequence where they get hit by the cosmic radiation is nothing more than a bright strobe, a kaleidoscope effect, and extreme closeups. But, in context, it works, and is tightly edited, so it’s engaging.

 

The costumes are faithful to the comic… to a fault. Costume designer Reve Richards went to an LA based comic shop and bought several issues for reference; awesome! But with all the white on them, and the circled ‘4’ being so large, they look funny as hell. Dr. Doom’s iconic mask and green cape look pretty damn good though.

 

With a few exceptions, the acting isnt’ all that bad actually. Alex Hyde-White is very believable as a stubborn but brilliant scientist. It can’t be easy saying these things with a straight face, so my hat’s off to him. As Johnny, Jay Underwood has some good comedic timing, and holds his own in the brief action scenes. Kat Green plays the blind love interest to the Thing, Alicia, and she is very good. She brings a lot of dramatic weight to her character, which is seriously lacking in most other aspects of the movie. Carl Ciarfalio moves well in the suit, and has an appropriately gravely, booming voice. Sadly this is undone by the costume, but that is not his fault. As the human counterpart to such, Bailey Smith brings a genuine and warm friendliness to the proceedings, so you always believed he has Reed’s back. But the best actor in the movie is Joseph Culp as Victor Von Doom. He spouts off the science jargon quickly, as if he actually knew it. His chemistry with Hyde-White is good, so their rivalry/ camaraderie dynamic makes perfect sense. Once turned to full on baddie, Culp chews the hell out of everything in sight, and it is gloriously fun and funny to watch.

 

And now, here are those exceptions mentioned earlier. Rebecca Staab as Sue is so perky as to be unrealistic, even in a movie where a guy turns into a rock monster. She is never concerned nor fazed by anything going on around her, and she fails at making even her powers seem cool. But, that is nothing compared to how truly wretched Annie Gagen proves to be. Gagen is Mrs. Storm, and she’s never once not acting. She has all the charisma of a dead sea sponge, but lacks the ability to play dead convincingly. She says every line, no matter how mundane, as if she’s simply amazed at her ability to talk, but can’t control her volume. Happily, since the movie looks so cheap, this only enhances the enjoyment, rather than detracts from it.

 

The music by David and Eric Wurst, while borrowing heavily from such classics as “Superman”, is probably the single best element of the movie. It is catchy, atmospheric, fun, cool, and really sells the epic scope that the visuals simply can’t capture.

 

This movie, for all its faults, didn't deserve its sad fate. While yes, the sets aren't always convincing, the characters are paper thin, and the dialogue rings false, there is a certain charm to the way it all comes together. Sassone does what he can and delivers an enjoyable watch, and most of the actors get the drama across quite well. Whether you are a FF fan, a Corman completionist, or just enjoy bad movies, this film is guaranteed to put a smile on your face.