Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda Review by Bobby LePire. Edited by Courtney McAllister.

 

A year ago, during the first ‘Creature Feature Month’, I looked at all four of the “Anaconda” movies. We just finished the first four “Lake Placid” flicks, and now we get to the big event; an epic crossover promising mega action- “Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda”. Yancy Butler and Robert Englund reprise their roles, but a new director and a different screenwriter put their spin on things. Does it retain the fun of both franchises?

The plot goes through all the familiar motions that the other sequels have hit-

Reba (Yancy Butler) is now sheriff, and she has to contend with some escaped crocodiles, at the same time sorority sisters are doing their annual beach hazing week. Meanwhile, at Wexell Hall Pharmaceuticals’ genetic research lab, on the other side of the lake, an accident releases some genetically modified anacondas. As the mega snakes wind their way up the surrounding forests, leaving a trail of destruction, the crocs are also on a rampage. New Fish And Wildlife officer Tull (Corin Nemec) must save his daughter Bethany (Skye Lourie), a pledging sister. Can our heroes stop the monsters before the goons from Wexell Hall, being led by poacher Jim Bickerman (Robert Englund), cover everything up?

The first misstep happens early on, and the movie never recovers. What misstep is that? Well, for reasons known only to writer Berkeley Anderson and the shrieking banshees that must have been screaming in his ear when he wrote this, he thought it’d be a good idea to make Reba the new sheriff. At the end of the last (and utterly kickass) movie, she was still the Fish And Wildlife officer. There was simply no reason or point to change her character path, for a few reasons- the first three sequels had a sort of weird running gag where there was always a new sheriff (John Schneider in the second, Michael Ironside was the third, and “The Final Chapter” had Elisabeth Rohm). If you turned Corin Nemec’s Tull into the new sheriff, plot-wise, it wouldn’t change a damn thing, would fit better with the others in the series, and (this is the most important aspect of all regarding this change) it would make the character of Tull smarter!

Hear me out here- as the Fish And Wildlife officer he keeps referring to the giant crocodiles as alligators, and has to be corrected. Yes, this is the movie’s idea of what a joke is- it is dead wrong. Why in the hell does the guy whose job it is not know the difference between the two animals? Turn him into the new sheriff (and make the reason being that he was looking for a job closer to where his daughter was going to college!), and bam, everything makes more sense, the character isn’t as dumb, etc.

 

Sadly, this isn’t the only way the movie neuters Reba. Her banter with Tull seems staged/ rehearsed, so it is very awkward. During one sequence, she gets drenched in blood, and looks more disgusted and annoyed than anything else. The Reba in the other two movies wouldn’t have cared, and in fact, would have let that fuel her rampage even more. Now, she still gets some good lines, like when she’s explaining to the mayor how/ why she got the sheriff’s position, but they seem to lack her earlier ferocity. Plus, they saddle her with one annoying ass deputy, and she rarely talks down to him. Ugh!

 

Anderson’s plot trots out every cliche imaginable- the sorority sisters are forced to tread water, when one of them feels a tug at their leg. Is it a crocodile? Of course not! Just some dude bro assholes from the sorority’s brother frat. Is that a giant snake rattling those bushes or a different animal for a cheap jump scare? You decide (and I know you know which is the right answer).
 

The effects by Nikolav Atanasov aren’t very persuasive. There aren’t too many crocs, but they look lightweight when on land, but okay in the water. The very few snakes (two, maybe three) are bland in design and their movements are jerky at times.

 

With not so much as even a short film to his name, director AB Stone certainly shows that this probably shouldn’t be his calling. He injects no life into the scenes, so everything lands with a resounding thud. Want a fairly consistent tone throughout? Well, too damn bad! Ferguson is going to make a wacky face at something disgusting, then we’ll cut to the sorority sisters running away from the crocs, and then to a frantic Tull searching for his daughter. The comedy scenes don’t mix with the action scenes, which only sort of mix with the more dramatic stuff. Stone clearly has no grasp on how to balance everything so it is engaging, or how to bring the appropriate aspect to the forefront for us to focus on it.
 

Now, don’t let anything already said about the butchering of Reba be indicative of Yancy Butler’s performance, as she is far and away, the best thing about this movie. She still brings the same energy, fun, and pitch perfect, deadpan manner to the role. She is great fun. Sadly, she and Nemec have no chemistry, so seeing them together feels forced, thus their energy can’t drive the scenes (and plot) forward. Corin Nemec, who absolutely is one of the best b-movie leading men working today, is only okay here. His chemistry and bond with Skye Laurie is believable (but only so-so compared to the mother/ daughter story of the last movie), but his zingers often fall flat, not that he has much to work with (see the aforementioned crocodile/ alligator confusion), and considering that 85% of the movie is Nemec and Butler together, that lack of chemistry kills any tension being made.

 

For her part Skye Laurie is pretty good, with the backstory about her mom being delivered especially well. Englund, who has a minor role here, is fun, especially now that he has a hook for a hand. And I am out of nice things to say about the cast. Oliver Walker, as the annoying Deputy Ferguson, just mugs at the camera, hoping and praying that it will be enough to get a laugh. It is not, and he’s more aggravating (why does Reba put up with him?) than amusing. Laura Dale as the head sorority sister has a voice that could grate cheese with ease, so just imagine what it does to your ears. She couldn’t convince me she was suffocating, even if she had a bag over head. Annabel Wright plays Sarah Murdoch, the leader of this branch of Wexell Hall, and oh my sweet lord, she’s unbearable. Imagine a snotty princess baby grew up to be Miranda What’s Her Nuts from “The Devil Wears Prada”, only take away all talent.

 

As you can tell, I am not a fan of this movie. Hell, even the title is a bit misleading, as this is 90% “Lake Placid”, 5% “Anaconda”, and 5% unfiltered stupidity. Seriously, the snakes get maybe eight minutes of cumulative screentime. And you know the saddest part of all this? I had such high hopes for this crossover! While both franchises have their weakest links (and that “Lake Placid” is superior, by large and far), there was such potential here, and the crossover makes absolute sense- Wexell Hall could easily have labs throughout the country, so why not on the far side of Clear Lake? Look, I love b-movies (no duh!), and given how fun the Syfy films have been recently (“Lavalatunla” anyone?), this should have been dynamite. But there is no bang; there’s not even a whimper. There is so little to actually latch onto and be engaged with that after the movie ends, your brain will need a few minutes to wake back up- mine did. Yes, this movie is so bad that your mind will literally shut itself down in order to protect you.

 

There is no joy or fun to be had, even though I wouldn’t say this movie takes itself seriously. It just fails at its intended job, it fails both franchises, it fails Yancy Butler, but most of all, it fails us, its audience. But what it doesn’t fail at is being a bitter disappointment. -le sigh-

 

 

**For the record, here’s how I’d rank the grand total of nine movies between both franchises**

1. Lake Placid

2. Lake Placid: The Final Chapter

3. Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid

4. Anaconda

5. Lake Placid 2

6. Lake Placid 3

7. Anaconda 4: Trail Of Blood

8. Anaconda 3: Offspring

9. Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda