Stan Lee's Lightspeed Review by Bobby LePire. Edited by Courtney McAllister.

 

Stan Lee, visionary (co-)creator of some of the biggest comic superheroes of all time, has been interested in bringing original content across multiple media platforms for quite some time now. This led to the creation of several DTDVD superhero movies; most were animated, but there was one live action flick, which was made for the Sci Fi Channel, with Don Fauntleroy directing. Yeah, there is no way this isn’t terrible, terrible, terrible. But is it any fun?

Basic superhero origin plot-

Black ops Ghost Squad agent Daniel Leight (Jason Connery) is severely injured when a building collapses. As teammates Beth (Nicole Eggert), Barcroft (KC Clyde), and Tanner (Lee Majors) investigate, henchman Haade (Charles Halford) messes with Daniel’s radiation treatments, on behalf of the mysterious villain Python (Daniel Goddard). Daniel discovers that instead of killing him, the new radiation treatment gave him super speed. Can Lightspeed stop Python? Is there a connection between Python and Daniel’s presumed dead best friend? Is there a cliche that isn’t hit upon?

 

For the record, Python is an actual human/ snake hybrid, looking for all the world like a Power Rangers monster. I mean that in a good way, as it adds a goofy charm that makes the movie far more enjoyable than it would be otherwise. In fact,special makeup effects artist Ross Tallent and supervisor Jeff Farley do a rather respectable job throughout the film. Python articulates well, and Daniel’s injured legs look convincing enough, considering the budget.

Lynn Branelly-Newman’s costume designs, on the other hand, are not too good, but seriously amusing. Outside of his scaly skin, Python wears a black t-shirt and hooded long jacket- this is such a generic and boring look for a bad guy, that it makes me sad. However, the reliance on this visual cue is something I found to be amusing. The Lightspeed costume is quite distinctive, but in all bad ways. A dark blue track suit, which has a large white ball in the center, with lines sort of exploding out of it. Had that been it, I probably would have really liked it, unfortunately, it also has the light lines on the arms, back, and legs. I understand the speed lines look they were going for, but it does not work at all. Then there is the mask, which has two sections- the eye covering, which is basically ski goggles, and the mouth covering, which is just a black neoprene half face mask (again, widely used in skiing and the like). This is so absurd and cheap looking, that coupled with the goofy speed lines on the suit, absolutely makes for a neverending wave of laughter whenever it is onscreen. He literally gets his costume at a sporting goods store, which is actually a fiendishly clever way to explain the cheapness of the costume. But it also just doesn’t look good.
 

Don Fauntleroy, the mastermind behind ‘snake-o-vision’, provides nothing too stylish or engaging on a directorial front. Just very journeyman, but he is competent enough that the action in the film isn’t obstructed or edited like hell. The cinematography, courtesy of the director, is pretty solid, with a lot of scenes framed to have borders like a comic panel, or the moody shots for Python’s introduction. This, combined with the lighting, which is easily the best technical aspect of the movie, make for some excellent atmosphere. The lighting throughout is very good- the scene in the hospital where Daniel’s treatment is screwed with is bathed in bright red, as Daniel suffers. It contributes quite a bit to the scene’s effectiveness, just as it does during the entire runtime.

The scenes of supersonic speed are filmed just fine, but the CGI blur effect used to enhance it is so obvious and bad, poor Jason Connery (or his stunt double) looks cut and pasted into the locations. And that is just how it goes for the entire movie, special effects-wise. They look and feel cheap, even for this kind of movie.

 

The script, by Steve Latshaw and John Gray, is so obvious, dumb, and cliche-ridden one would be forgiven for assuming that the duo weren’t aware of any other comic book superhero movies ever being made:

 

• The villain and hero have a personal connection? Check!

• The hero hides his identity- in this case, for no real reason? Check!

• Science experiment for the good of humanity gone wrong creates Python? Check!

• Beth discovers Daniel’s secret and encourages him to fight until the end? Check!

• Someone thought of as a good guy turncoats and is bad? Check!

• Python is mistaken for dead and isn’t really? Check!

 

Despite all of those idiotic, laugh out loud cliches a blind person can see coming, there are things that work in the screenplay, and most of them revolve around Python. Before getting all sentai villain’d up, he was Edward, a scientist working on a way to cure severe flesh wounds through a snake’s regeneration ability. His obsession with this was to save his sister, but just as he reaches a breakthrough, wouldn’t you know it, his funding gets pulled. In a rage, Edward accidentally sets his lab on fire, and is thought dead, only to reemerge as Python. This backstory lends a certain gravitas to his actions, a sort of Mr. Freeze like sympathy, that is pretty touching.

 

Jason Connery is pure vanilla as the lead. He is so nondescript and bland that his heroics could have been performed by actual ice cream. However, since he barely registers as a screen presence, he is never truly awful. He is meh in the fight scenes, and his chemistry with costar Nicole Eggert is nonexistent. For her part, as another Ghost Squad member/ significant other Eggert seems to be trying, but I don’t know too many actresses that could pull off such a stereotypical role and come away clean. As Python, Daniel Goddard is fun, getting to throw guys around, and making outrageous demands, seems to agree with him. He is able to emote fairly decently underneath the prosthetics, and he is convincing as a guy that wanted to do good and went mad.

 

The supporting cast is so unexceptional, that in my above plot summary, I am honestly not sure if I got the right characters/ actors when mentioning them, not a good sign. There is one exception, and he chews the scenery like it’s his only meal for the day, and that is Lee freaking Majors! Majors plays Tanner, the leader of Ghost Squad, and he gives the cliched hardass boss thing a shake up by just having fun, and knowing the sort of silliness this movie exudes.

 

I realize I have been a bit harsh on this movie, and that is because, with a few exceptions, it simply isn’t good, in any real, tangible way. But it is fun as hell- from mocking the bad effects, to the silly costume, to the leading man, to taking a shot every time another superhero cliche pops up, there is always something to laugh at, which will keep you engaged. Add to that the good elements- the excellent lighting, Python’s backstory, actor, and makeup- and you get a truly terribly, fun time.