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Poseidon Rex Review by Bobby LePire. Edited by Courtney McAllister.

 

The best way to view ridiculously fun movies is with friends, of course! It helps when the movie is as ridiculously fun as the title promised, and is just tongue-in-cheek enough to be self aware. “Poseidon Rex”, with its attention grabbing title, is that exact movie. So, how does one trick a friend into watching a b-movie? Why, with the allure of free food! Were the promises of delicious eggplant parmigiana, and a good time, properly delivered? It’s called “Poseidon Rex”, what do you think?

 

The titular creature causes all sorts of chaos, like so:

A small island, off the coast of Belize, is home to several treasure seekers. While on a dive, one such fellow, Jax (Brian Krause), accidentally disturbs the ancient nest of the Poseidon Rex. A small skirmish leaves Jax unconscious, floating in the water. That’s when he is discovered by a group of snorkelers- Henry (Berne Velasquez), Rod (Steven Helkamp), Jane (Candice Nunes), and marine biologist Sarah (Anne McDaniels). After recovering, Jax and the gang head back out to sea, to see what happened. They come across the P. Rex, and encounter its destructive power firsthand. Can the creature be stopped? Will a nuclear explosion be involved? What sort of question is that last one? Of course, a nuclear explosion will be involved.

 

Director Mark L. Lester has been surprisingly prolific since his heyday in the 1980s, focusing mainly on direct to video fare. His foray into Hollywood is immediately obvious, as the film feels larger than what we are shown. There’s an epic, “Jurassic Park”-ian vibe throughout the whole thing, despite there being two monsters- big, mean momma and adorable, vicious, equally mean baby. His pacing throughout the film, especially during the climax, is just as good as his scope. There’s a solid balance between the dramatic scenes, and the stuff with the P. Rex herself.

 

I do wish that Lester’s use of stock footage wasn’t so obvious though. The footage is glaringly cheap, with scratches, pops, and strikes abounding. However, this does add to the enjoyment factor by quite a bit, as every time the bad footage comes onto the screen, we all guffawed.

 

The action beats are fun, with some good visual stylization. It’s a rampaging dino, so it eats victims, stomps man made products, and causes all sorts of havoc, nothing too out of the ordinary. However, because the creature lives in the water, the majority of our first bouts are all aquatic based. Seeing Poseidon Rex burst up from the ocean depths and chomp a henchman who’s wildly firing a machine gun in all directions, in a vain attempt to hit the crazed beast, is not only amusing, it adds a nice variety to the run-of-the-mill creature features, with something of similar size (I’m looking at you “The Dinosaur Experiment” aka “Raptor Ranch”). The climax involves a helicopter, a boat, a bazooka, and a US military air strike. The movie keeps getting crazier, and in doing so, the fun increases tenfold each upped ante. Such as an attack on a boat wherein one of the passengers jumps off, and ends up landing directly in the rising monster’s mouth! Sure, that kind of thing has been seen before, most notably and successfully in “Shark Attack 3: Megalodon”, but there is something about how it is staged and done here that makes it crazy amounts of fun.

 

That has lots to with Rafael Jordan’s script, which never takes itself too seriously. Striking the right tone with these kinds of made for Syfy flicks can be a tricky proposition- if your creature feature takes itself too seriously, it can become a bore or feel repetitive. On the other hand, if you are too jokey, and don’t take anything seriously, there won’t seem to be anything at stake, or a reason to be invested. Jordan has written twenty screenplays, all of them direct-to-dvd genre stuff, and, of the ones I have seen, I haven’t disliked a single one. He understands what the intended audience wants to see, how to deliver it to them, but still manages to throw in some nice surprises and keeps things feeling fresh.

 

All that to say that this might be my favorite screenplay of his- the lines are funny, the relationships all make sense, and the action is cool. It’s the little moments that really make this stand out to me- after an argument with Rod, Jane (they are an item) decides to stay on land, not help investigate the odd attacks (Poseidon Rex is unknown to them at this point). While there, she gets hit on by some hardcore douche frat asshats, and agrees to join them on a party boat. Of course, P. Rex attacks the party boat, and Jane gets knocked overboard. Upon seeing the destruction, and noticing Jane in peril, Rod tries to get there and help. He never asks why she was onboard, or anything. A lesser movie might have tried to make him be a jerk about the whole thing, but not here, much to my relief. The best part though, is how there’s an absolute lack of backstory to explain the dinosaur- it survived in the depths of the ocean, someone stole one of its eggs, so it seeks revenge. Bam! That is all that is required.

 

Everything isn’t peachy keen scriptwise though. Some backstory and characterization moments are a bit on the dry, expository side- Sarah tells people that should already know she’s a marine biologist that she is one; an old army base on the other side of the island is just mentioned as existing, not really set up; the culmination of Jax and Sarah’s relationship seems to come at an odd moment. These may hurt the objective quality of the film, and if they do, its minor, but they do add an infinite amount of amusement. There’s just a joy that runs throughout every aspect of the production, so even when something dumb creeps up, it’s not maddening, but fun.

 

Brian Krause, perhaps best known as crazed whitelighter Leo from “Charmed”, is a solid leading man, sounding appropriately authoritative, and his chemistry with his co-stars isn’t too shabby. It is too bad then, that his character is meant to be rather shady, as that underworld, wheeling-and- dealing type doesn’t come across all that well. Anne McDaniels is a very mixed bag, but probably not in the way you’re imagining- the more science-y the movie gets, and the more expertise of hers is needed, the better she is. But in the first half or so, it seems she’s more of a typical spring breaker floozy, and that doesn’t work. Happily, when she and Krause are onscreen together, it’s either their romantic moments (which again, they have good chemistry) or very much about the creature, where her knowledge comes in, and that’s when she sounds most believable.

 

Steven Helkamp plays Rod as stubborn as a bull, which works thanks to his frat dude ways. But some smaller moments (like the previously mentioned party boat scene), allow for him to add a few layers. Candice Nunes perhaps fares the worst out of all of our leads, as she’s just a stick in the mud, at all times. She comes off as very annoying and irksome; I’m unsure if this is due to limited screentime, or the actress’ inexperience. (Minor spoilers) This isn’t too big a deal, as she’s the first of the main characters to be killed off. (End spoilers) The supporting cast do rather well with Pulu Lightborn as Rafa, being the best amongst them.

 

But enough of the humans, you say! What about the badass behemoth of blight? Well, it’s pretty kickass. Scott Wheeler, the VFX supervisor, and his team have put a surprising amount of detail into the P. Rex, and their efforts have paid off very well. The design team didn’t just plunk down a dorsal fin onto a tyrannosaurus and call it a day. They also added some subtle webbing to its feet and caudal fin, to give it a reasonably realistic look- if a creature did evolve like this one, this is probably a decent facsimile of what it would look like.

 

The computer effects used to generate Poseidon Rex are also quite satisfactory. Again the details in the design show up on screen, and her size doesn’t veer too radically from water to land, which has ruined rampaging monster movies for me. She’s integrated well into the scenery, and moves surprisingly quickly, but in a believable manner. There is a scene at the start of the climax, where thanks to the camera angle and shallow water, it appears as if P. Rex is walking on top of the water, while chasing the boat!

 

OMG! A monster movie where the monster is a metaphor for one of the biggest religions of all time! All praise be to the Poseidon Rex, whose destructive powers decide who lives and who dies!

 

Snark aside, that bit is hilarious, because it lasts for a minute or so (intercut with other going ons), and all three of us had the same thought about it, but no, the water just wasn’t deep enough for the creature. The baby dino also looks good, even kind of cute; I’d totally adopt a Pee-wee Rex!

 

The three of us that watched the movie all had a great time; hell, the movie even made my end- of-2014 list of best direct-to-dvd movies*. There was a short questionnaire to be filled out after the viewing, the last question on there asked everyone to rank the film with one the these phrases that best described our feelings toward the movie:

  • Worst Movie Ever

  • Awful

  • Flawed But Okay

  • Terribly Fun

  • Seriously Good

 

Unsurprisingly, we all chose the exact same answer- terribly fun! This is the kind of movie I started the site for- ridiculous in the best possible way, with lots to enjoy, and chock full of craziness a theatrical release wouldn’t ever dream of showing, and the issues that bring it down only add to the fun and amusement factor, not detract. Highly recommended!

 

*That list encompases direct to dvd, premiering on VOD, made for TV, and original to streaming services films.

 

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