Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! Review by Bobby LePire. Edited by Courtney McAllister.

 

Here we are, at last! A whole year has come around since the last “Sharknado” installment, and that has built quite a set of expectations- how can they top the craziness of riding a shark down atop the the Empire State Building? Add in to that the general impressive state of Asylum flicks these past few years, and one can probably tell that “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” had lofty goals to reach. Did it succeed?

 

The plot picks up a few months after the end of number two-

Fin (Ian Ziering) is in Washington DC, where the President of the United States (Mark Cuban) is honoring Fin for his heroic actions during the last sharknado disaster. A pregnant April (Tara Reid) is at Universal Studios Florida with her daughter Claudia (a recast Ryan Newman), and mother May (Bo Derek). A massive ‘wall’ of sharknadoes crop up along the entire Eastern coast, so Fin must race to Florida to get back to his family. Along the way, he reconnects with Nova (Cassie Scerbo), and his father, Gilbert (David Hasselhoff).

 

The movie opens with a shark’s jaw going from screen left to right, and a silhouetted Fin Shepard stepping into frame. Then he turns toward the camera, and slashes at the circular enclosure… with a double bladed chainsaw! Yes, it’s a James Bond style opening, and it rocks!

 

That opening sets the tone for the entire shebang. If the first movie was a disaster epic and the second was more of a comedy, then this is an outright, balls-to-the-wall action flick. And balls-to-the- wall might be the only appropriate way to describe this movie:

• After the ceremony, a sharknado (possibly multiple) hit DC. The President and Fin make for an escape, and part of the roof of the White House gets torn off. Fin runs and slides down the hallway firing two machine guns (submachine guns? I am not sure of the difference). If that sounds insane and unbelievable, you’d be right. If that also sounds awesome as hell, you’re right again!

• The sharknado in DC is so violent that it rips apart half of the Washington Monument… which then demolishes the rest of the White House.

• Fin is driving south, when another sharknado hits. His car door is flung open, and he almost gets sucked out, and eaten. Enter a leather armor clad warrior kicking all the ass, and slicing all the sharks. It’s the triumphant return of Nova, who has been training and studying for this exact doomsday scenario.

• Of course a sharknado hits the theme park. The sharks land on roller coasters and crash into food stands, causing all sorts of havoc. One shark keeps sliding back and forth on the rails, trying as it might to make a loop… but always fails!

• Once the sharks start raining down, April removes her fake hand to reveal that she kept her sawblade, and simply covers it up when not actively using it!

• A ‘nado hits a US military installation, forcing Nova and Fin to fly out. They’re only able to find a clear path thanks to Lucas (Frankie Muniz), but to state what happens/ how would ruin some of the fun.

• Their plane gets hit hard and they crash. Upon emerging from out of the water, their clothes have mysteriously disappeared! Funny as hell, and another Bond reference to boot!

• The Universal Studios Park globe gets turned into a giant hamster ball of doom!

 

And this doesn’t even begin to touch on the stuff with The Hoff, and how ridiculously cool all that is. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, but the third act is totally bonkers; in the best possible way.

 

At three movies in, the main players feel like a family, and are quite familiar with each other, so their interactions feel very natural at this point. Everyone’s chemistry is at an all time high. Ian Ziering is excellent as always. Throughout the trilogy, he has excelled at playing it straight, while never being too serious. Here, he’s probably at his goofiest, but that’s a good thing. Whether he’s sliding and shooting at sharks (while not looking where he’s aiming), or being a sex symbol (the aforementioned disappearing clothes thing), I feel this is where he plays to the joke the most. But, when with April, Claudia, and Gilbert, he still sells the family bonds well. Tara Reid is enjoyable, getting some of the most gonzo moments (things I will not spoil, and you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway). She seems more at ease in the action, despite being more restrained overall (her character is pregnant afterall).

 

Ryan Newman, replacing Aubrey Peeples, is instantly likable and lots of fun. Bo Derek gets some of the best lines in the movie, and her comedic delivery is impeccable. Frankie Muniz, as Lucas- Nova’s partner in crime- is fun, but he’s not in it quite enough to deliver a full character. Cassie Scerbo owns all of her scenes. Her stunt work and action chops are excellent, and she sounds mostly believable spouting off the pseudo-science about how/ why the sharks are able to live in the storms. But, quite surprisingly, the best performance in the movie is given by The Hoff himself. He plays it understated and serious, which lends a real sense of gravitas and weight to everything. When he states- “I’m finally living my dream… being your hero”, it is quite poignant.

 

Thunder Levin’s script hits all the right notes. Anthony C. Ferrante’s directing is crazier than ever. The special effects are excellent, especially in the last act. And with all that good, does come a few bad elements (whether this is just from built up expectations or not, I’ll let you decide). For one, given how much this series is about family, not having Fin and April’s son, Matt, return is a misstep. Yes, there is the line about him serving in the armed forces, but I personally feel that the tension between Nova and Fin would be a lot more effective if Matt was still involved with Nova, on her quest. It would have been an excellent way to tie everything back to the family theme, and add some more meaning to the ending.

 

The swift pace means that for all the new characters- Lucas, May, Jess, etc.- we don’t get a ton of time to get to know them, and they aren’t that fleshed out. I know that’s an odd complaint in a freaking shark/ tornado movie, but in the first movie I feel we get to know George and Baz fairly well. In the second, most of the first act is devoted to characterization of Fin and April’s extended family. So, to miss out on that, especially with such good actors at the helm, is a bit of a letdown. Mind you though, this does not apply to Hasselhoff’s character, who we get to know quite a bit in the third act.

And now it’s time to discuss the controversial aspect of the movie- the ending. This paragraph contains heavy spoilers, so if you haven’t seen it yet, please skip to the next paragraph. 1…. 2… 3… The whole voting “April Lives”/ “April Dies”, is yes, a gimmick. But the whole “Sharknado” franchise is the kind of b-movie, that if traveling theater showings were still around, would absolutely have shock chairs or smell-o-rama (yum, fish!). So, I am completely onboard with this, but I do understand if folks felt cheated out of a real ending.

 

Despite my minor complaints, I think “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” is the best in the series! It is the most gonzo, out there, crazy, ridiculous one, and that is exactly what I look for in these kinds of movies. Dual bladed chainsaws? A loop de loop shark? The entire third act (again, don’t want to spoil all the awesomeness)? All these things are freaking cool as hell, and exactly why I love b-movies in general, and The Asylum specifically!