Starship Troopers 2: Hero Of The Federation Review by Bobby LePire. Edited by Courtney McAllster.

 

Last week, I looked at the not at all terrible, 100% fun, brilliance of “Starship Troopers”. Then, why was it reviewed? Because, dear reader, I needed my utter love of that film, one of my favorites of all time, to be properly documented, so that when I state that its first sequel, “Starship Troopers 2: Hero Of The Federation”, is a flaming pile of dingelberries atop a shit pie, you’ll understand how hurt I am by this movie’s existence. But does being so terribly mounted prevent it from being any fun? Sidenote- Mr. Van Dien is not in this film, not even a brief clip of him from the first film is used, but he is technically in the next two films, and reviewing those without doing this one seemed extremely silly to me.

 

There’s not really a plot for about forty minutes, things just keep happening, but here you go:

A new campaign has been spearheaded by the Sky Marshall, “March To Victory”, which involves the Federation armed forces going deep into the Arachnid planets, to use the knowledge gained from the brain bug to defeat them all. A skirmish on one such planets leaves just a small handful of survivors- Jack Shepherd (Ed Lauter), Dede Rake (Brenda Strong), Charlie Soda (Kelly Carlson), Billy Otter (Cy Carter), Jill Sandee (Sandrine Holt), Pavlov Dill (Lawrence Monoson), Air Peck (J.P. Manoux), Lei Sahara (Colleen Porch), Kipper Tor (Drew Powell), Otis Brick (Billy Brown), and Joe Griff (Ed Quinn)- who take shelter in an abandoned base, until an emergency evacuation can pick them up. At the base, they discover a former soldier locked in solitary, V.J. Dax (Richard Burgi), and offer to commute his court martial if he helps them survive. While trapped in the base, weird things keep happening and people’s personalities seem to change on a dime. Why is it happening? What is causing it? Can I give enough of a damn to stay awake long enough to find out?

 

Our heroes fight, retreat to the base, where random things just occur- the blast doors (for lack of a better term) can’t close properly, the communications are down and need to be repaired, people run off to screw each other. There is no sense of where this movie is going or as to the point of this story being told until about the halfway mark. It is only then that a narrative emerges. Now, don’t get me wrong, a movie doesn’t always need a traditional narrative structure; lots of great films have been made that don’t adhere to those rules. However, for this movie, there is nothing to latch onto or be engaged by- military folks trying to get their base working again, and aren’t threatened by their enemy (there is a massive bug zapper fence surrounding the compound, so the bugs can only get so close) isn’t interesting. Or at least, these military folks aren’t interesting, but even when a plot does appear, it’s so nonsensically idiotic and falls apart even if you apply the logic of a five-year old kid. Basically, the movie’s whole story structure is lousy as hell.

 

Case in point, the audience is told that this movie takes place shortly after the first via text crawl. Text crawl, people! Less than a second in, and this film has already shown a fundamental lack of understanding of what makes the “Starship Troopers” cinematic universe so fun- the interactive, online news bulletins that are a very unique way to get exposition across in a visual way. After the text crawl, what should we cut to, but a freaking news bulletin, complete with the cursor and ‘want to know more’ bar atop. Movie, if you were going to use these to begin with, why not use them properly and more than once? Oh, by the way, this is the only time the Federal News stuff shows up, and all we get is a quick Mobile Infantry recruitment ad and the logo for “March To Victory”.  We then cut to the darkened planet where we shall spend the rest of the film.

 

The planet is a bit like the one in “Pitch Black”, in that it’s basically never morning, perpetually night. I understand the budget constraints, this is after all a direct-to-DVD sequel seven years after the fact, but it makes it damn near impossible to know how long time has passed between scenes. During our initial foray onto the planet, in the middle of a losing battle, I don’t mind it being a stormy night at all- the dark allows the filmmakers to hide their limited set space, not have to show as many bugs (thus saving money on budget), and save on lighting for when it matters. And for the most part, this tactic does pay off. The use of lightning to show where the bugs are versus the protagonists works well, and helps create a solid atmosphere. The few bugs that are seen look competent, and thanks to the sound department, the battle seems larger than what was filmed, adding to the hopelessness of this clearly one-sided fight (hint: humans aren’t winning). However, once our characters make it to the base, there are a few scenes where they are about to go to sleep, but then we cut to them milling about. The problem with the constant darkness abounds here, because in those ‘milling about’ scenes, I have no idea if it is meant to be the next morning or of they decided to stay up. If you put a gun to my head, and forced me to tell you the time span of this film, I could not do it. This is easily fixable, but terrible direction is terrible.

 

The editing of the movie is the worst offense here. Continuity issues abound everywhere, some shots make no sense and serve no purpose other than to confuse, and some of the edits are very sloppily done. After fixing the blast door and closing it, there is a shot of four of the soldiers outside drawing a pentagram. What the ever living fuck? Everyone was inside, which is why the doors were being closed right then. How did they get out there? What does the drawing of the pentagram symbolize? It has no effect on any of the characters, does not signal bugs, it does not let the rescue ship know where they are, it does nothing. NOTHING! It is such a weird, awkward pointless shot that manages to also ruin the closing of the doors, which was meant to be a triumphant moment for the characters. Ugh, movie, I loathe you with all the force of a mini-nuke being jammed up my nerve stems. And that is not even the worst edit in the film! Soda has been unconscious since she was brought to the compound, and after one of the scenes where everyone was supposedly going to sleep, she wakes up slowly, and everyone is standing around her! There is no scene of the medic Griff watching over her to be able to help her as soon as she gets up. There is no implication of someone else watching over here while Griff tends to other things/ doesn’t actually go to sleep. So, there is simply no way for everyone to have known she was about to wake up and for them to get there in time for it. This begs the question, what creepy as fuck thing were the soldiers planning to do to poor Soda as she slept? The implications are as startlingly disturbing as the movie is stupid.

 

However, the greatest sin “Starship Troopers 2” commits, the greatest sin by a wide margin- is tone. The first film had dramatic moments, but there was a dark satirical edge running underneath those moments, and sometimes the satire would be more of a focal point. This movie is super serious, all the time. The too brief interstitials aren’t comedic or over-the-top at all. The story goes into weird pseudo-horror stuff later on, which isn’t a joke. The plot veers from soldiers trying to survive to “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers”-type stuff, and it plays the idea that a bug evolved to latch onto human brains and control them like a puppet with a straight face. I am not sure how that is possible, but there you go.

 

The kicker to all of this god awful crap is that Ed Neumeier wrote the script and Phil Tippet directed it. Neumeier wrote “Robocop”, its sequels, the first “Starship Troopers”, and the surprisingly fun “Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid”. He gets the action-adventure stories. He understands satire and how to implement it throughout a story in an organic way. So, why this movie so profoundly grim? While I can’t be sure, I do have a theory. As incredible a special effects artist as Phil Tippet may be, he has a sole feature length directing credit, and that is this movie! I am not surprised he hasn’t been hired on as a director for any other projects, as his hand behind the camera is unsteady and awkward, to say the least. Given what I know about Neumeier as a writer and director, I wouldn’t be surprised if thanks to Tippet’s inexperience and ineptitude, the bite was watered down, and because he can’t even handle the idea of how closed doors work, whatever tension was in the script was probably also destroyed by Tippet’s stupidity. From that, I can also extrapolate that the actors and actresses performing with perpetually grim glowers on their face is also a directorial mandate, because Tippet, as a director, is full of impressive ass hattery.

 

There are a few good things though. Most of the actors doing a fairly good job, considering what they have to work with. Special mention should be made of Richard Burgi who is very good as the possibly psychotic, soon to be court martialed military mastermind. Colleen Porch is equally as good as the tough-as-nails but understanding private, with latent psychic powers. Ed Lauter is the only one seeming to be having any fun as the fair Federation general, just hoping to survive. Everyone else is about as good as can be expected, given the crap they have to deal with.

 

Phil Tippet is not only a special effects artist that has worked on several big movies, but he was also instrumental for the creature designs of the first film, so it should be no surprise to learn that even with the low budget, this movie’s special effects are pretty good. There are a few moments with some bugs high on a cliff that look like bad animatronics, and move very clunkily. But that lasts for a minute or so, and the other effects fare better. During a sweeping shot of a swarm of the bugs surrounding the base, all the bugs look decent. The animatronics for the closeups when the Arachnids are attacking look and move believably as well. The weirdest special effect is the blue muzzle flashes from the soldiers guns. After awhile, you get used to it, but it is weird, almost as if the flashes were digitally put in there because they forgot how guns work (that wouldn’t surprise me).

 

No matter how much you love the first flick, or anyone in front or behind the camera here, I promise you this is the worst film on their filmography. With a plot that makes zero sense and has even less of a point, a tone that is too grim for its own good, and nonsensical editing that a dead, blind lemur with maggots eating its eyes could trump, this movie fails on all fronts! “Starship Troopers 2: Hero Of The Federation” is the exact opposite of the first film in every imaginable way.