The Phantom Review by Bobby LePire. Edited by Courtney McAllister.

 

A rich, suave ladies man becomes a hero after the death of his father, not only to avenge him, but also to punish criminals and try to uphold the law, and lives in a massive, hidden cave lair. Only a butler knows his true identity, sports no real super powers, has help from a top ranking authority figure, and doesn’t want to kill unless forced. Who am I describing? … not Batman! But rather a character first introduced three years prior (nor am I discussing the decades older Zorro, who is also a true badass!), Lee Falks’ “The Phantom”! This pulp hero got the movie treatment in 1996, and was promptly forgotten. Due to this, one might presume it is laughably bad, or some such. But none other than Roger Ebert gave it three and a half stars. So, did the audience just miss out, or is a purple spandexed hero galavanting throughout the jungle something to laugh at?

 

The plot was smart and kept the action in the 1930s:

Xander Drax (Treat Williams) has done research into three ancient, bejeweled skulls- ‘the skulls of Touganda’- which when collected together, give the owner supernatural powers which allow them to rule all the world. Attempting to prevent Drax’s goons from stealing one of these priceless artifacts, located in the Bengali jungles, sends The Phantom/ Kit Walker (Billy Zane) all over the globe, along with his former college flame, Diana Palmer (Kristy Swanson), both of whom are being tailed by Drax’s right hand woman, Sala (Catharine Zeta Jones), the leader of the all female air pirates, the Sky Band. Can The Ghost Who Walks stop this megalomaniacal industrialist from obtaining absolute power?

 

Director Simon Wincer (of “Quigley Down Under” and “Operation: Dumbo Drop” fame) keeps the pace tight and fast, without sacrificing character or plot coherence. I know that sounds like a Herculean task, but it is accomplished here! Starting off with a bit of rickety bridge, jungle danger- including strangulation by skeleton!- we also get biplane shootouts, jumping from plane to horse, vine swinging (naturally), face punching, car chasing, elevator shaft hopping, volcano spewing, evil slamming excitement at every turn! This movie moves at breakneck speeds, always wanting to show us the next action sequence. The audience barely has time to catch their breath, which is a good thing! And here’s the kicker- all the stunts are practical! Practical explosions (if you got to a drop a jeep off a cliff, you’d explode it too!), practical aerial work, practical bridge destroying, etc, and you can tell. It truly does add a sense of danger, which only heightens the audience’s  investment.

 

And what do we get inbetween all the crazy stunts? Humping dogs? Robot testicles? Pointless rambling for fifteen minutes? Painting starting something?! For all that is truly good and holy, no!! We get character interactions, dramatic arcs, and things action movies used to do before “Transformers” and “The Expendables” franchises ruined everything! (I know I am being unfair, as both “Taken” and “John Wick” are amazing modern day action fare, but the rant works better this way!). Walker’s motivation to be and remain The Phantom makes total sense, his ache over breaking Ms. Palmer’s heart to do so is conveyed with just a look, and we totally get it. This isn’t meant to short change the dialogue at all, as it’s sharp witted and fun as hell-

 

• Diana (to The Phantom)- You can fly a plane? Of course you can. Why ask?

 

• Xander- Alright, what’s your name? Why do you want that skull so badly?

• The Phantom- Kit Walker.

• Xander- And who is Kit Walker?

• The Phantom- I am.

• Xander- And what about the skull?

• The Phantom- I thought it’d go well with my drapes.

 

• Xander (to an important associate)- Have you heard the exciting news? We’re going to the Devil’s Vortex!

 

• Xander- My name is Xander Drax.

• Kabel Signh- What?

• Xander- X-A-N-D-E-R. D-R-A-X. It begins and ends with the letter X!

 

I don’t know if the sheer giddiness of those lines come across reading them, but everyone, especially Treat Williams as the big bag boss man, is chipper and excited. Want dark and gritty? Go elsewhere, this is 100% optimistic fun!

 

Scribe Jeffrey Boam, who also wrote “Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade”, takes the familiar hallmarks of the adventure genre, and treats them with earnestness, so they feel fresh and revitalized. Also, as clearly seen above, his dialogue is snappy, witty, glorious, just this side of parody brilliance! Of equal importance to this movie’s success is cinematographer David Burr. This movie’s colors pop right off the screen, almost like a highly stylized comic book (gasp!), a lot of the framing and blocking of the shots also resemble comic book panels and splash pages. The excellent set design and period aesthetics all help to create a fully realized and fleshed out world.

 

In Nostalgia Critic’s video takedown of this movie, he doesn’t seem to mind most of it, but has a real hard time not laughing his ass off at the purple suit. I understand, and just think he’s wrong! As ridiculous as it is, it is not designed for concealment, but rather shock and awe. What’s the last thing you’d be expecting to see in the jungles? A purple guy that should be dead is probably very high up on that list! The costume has a lot of nice detail work, with lots of little flourishes throughout, and looks very good (especially on the surprisingly good blu-ray transfer; though it is a bare bones release). The skull belt buckle is imposing and cool to see as well. Costume designer Marlene Stewart should be quite pleased with herself at how The Phantom looks, and how all the other period costumes turned out. They all look accurate (enough at least), suit the characters well, and sell the time period very well.

 

As someone who hangs out with the three skulls on a regular basis*, I didn’t need to rewatch this movie in order to write this review. Didn’t need to, but did, if for no other reason than Treat Williams’s stunning performance as Xander Drax; which is the most enjoyably happy, enthusiastically loving every second of life lead villain portrayal maybe/ probably ever. He has such a zeal for life, and whether he’s paying off cops, or breaking into museums, there always seems to be a song in his heart and a dance in his step. It is joyous and beautiful to watch. In the most intense, and one of the best scenes in the movie, Drax cordially invites a research librarian up to his office to get reassurance that what he has been studying has been kept hush hush. The librarian says absolutely, and that only he knows what Drax has been up to. Being the affable guy he is, Drax takes the man at his word and lets him leave. But not before getting the researcher’s expert opinion on something underneath the microscope. The librarian is told to adjust the knobs, and paper with ‘Liar’ written on it comes into focus, and then blades come out of the eyepiece, blinding (and probably killing) the man. This turns Drax from a fun villain into one of the best unsung movie baddies of all time! During this whole exchange, his peppiness never wavers, and he clearly loves his job.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                  *I wasn’t joking!

 

Billy Zane plays his role a bit more as the straight man, but that isn’t to say he’s boring or doesn’t bring any sense of levity to his role. Quite the opposite in fact. Zane finds the perfect balance between cocksure asshole, rakish rogue, charming everyman, so he’s never quite winking at the audience, but we sure as hell know he’s loving every second of being this character. In fact, Zane was so determined to play The Phantom, that he worked out for over a year, and lobbied for the role quite hard (beating out Bruce freaking Campbell, who was originally up for it), and by the time he got this leading role, he did not need the costume created with false muscles. Yeah, that’s right- Billy Zane got so buff he didn’t need any extra padding for his costume. That dedication comes through very well in his performance, which is fun, but never too over the top, and he handles the action scenes very well.

 

Kristy Swanson shows the same feisty spunk that landed her the role of Buffy Summers, in the “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” movie. She and Zane have good chemistry, and her won’t back down attitude works well alongside her snappy zingers. Catherine Zeta-Jones is really enjoyable as the leader of the air pirates, and she sells her character’s somewhat abrupt turn near the end. James Remar, as Drax’s go-to adventurer (as well as the one to have killed the previous Phantom), gets some great lines, “I don’t like to ask Drax questions; his answers creep me out”, and believably goes toe-to-toe with our purple clad hero. He makes for an excellent and fun henchman, while still being a big threat in his own right. The rest of the supporting cast is just fine.

 

I do wish this movie had been fiscally successful, as a franchise worth’s of Billy Zane chasing bad guys throughout the jungle with his pet wolf and white stallion (named Hero!), could have made for one of coolest comic book movie series ever! As it stands, this one off production is essentially perfect, with every actor and actress playing their roles to the hilt, the costumes being beautiful, the cinematography lush, a wickedly relentless pace full of spectacular action, and the sense of sheer fun inescapable. This is pure entertainment on every level, and it is marvelous!